My name is not Loretta. Well, not my birth given name anyway.
I was first called Loretta when I was a young teen, too smart for my own good and too stubborn to realize I might not be the smartest one in the room.
My parents divorced when I was very young. Don't feel bad, I really don't remember much of that time and being so young I didn't have much time to get used to anything else. As a teen, my mother started dating a man named Peter and I was surprised and intrigued. My mother was not at all like me, quiet, soft spoken, considerate, selfless, and never seemed to be bothered by not getting the last word on things. Pete seemed more like me. Big, bold, loud, considerate (if you earned his consideration) and definitely wasn't afraid to live life to the fullest. I remember thinking how good it would be for my Mom to be with someone who encouraged her to step outside her comfort zone. I was excited and happy for her.
I don't remember when exactly or why he started it, but from very early on Pete just started referring to me as "Loretta". It never bothered me and it never even occurred to me to ask why. Why Loretta? Why not just continue on with "Blondie" or even just stick with plain old Lori? Still to this day I HAVE NO IDEA why he started calling me Loretta. Did I remind him of someone from his past? Was it because he was a Loretta Lynn fan? I'm sure we'll never find out and honestly it doesn't even matter. From that time on everyone who knew us knew me as "Loretta". I even had a talking parrot named after me! Anyway, this man grew to become a beacon for me. At a time in life when everything seemed so unsure and unclear, when it seemed I was so unlike anyone else I knew, never seeming to quite fit in anywhere, never seeming to do anything right, a time when we're all just trying to figure out who we are and who we want to be, he just let me be me. There was no "you should do this" or "why don't you do that" it was always just, "Loretta, you're a good kid, don't let them tell you different". I was encouraged to enjoy life, to do all the things, good and maybe even not so good, experience all I could and then use what I'd learned to grow and encourage others to live life the same way. I always felt like I had a friend with Pete, someone I could be honest with, who wouldn't judge me for any mistakes or bad decisions I might make. Having that support I felt like I wasn't alone, I wasn't so strange or different, he understood me, understood us, understood the assignment.
"Papa" Pete as he later became known to my children and my siblings' children and in turn to all of us, was such a good freaking man. He was by no means perfect but damn did he just about have it right. He knew life isn't about sitting back and waiting to see what might happen. It's for busting out, shouting for the things you believe in, living it up as much as you can because you only live once. For eating that extra piece of cake or having one more cocktail catching up with a friend, for loving as loud as you want and not putting up with any BS.
Several years ago now our Papa Pete left us, his time here in the physical world was done. Much much too soon if you ask me. He never got to see all of the ridiculous things our boys have done as they've grown, never got to see me truly be me without holding back from the rest of the world, so many nevers. I am so grateful for the time we all did have and will forever continue to honor his memory by sharing stories with our boys and doing my best to pass on that zest for life.
At some point not long after he passed, it occurred to me that he would never call me Loretta again, no one would. Loretta would cease to exist...right? It just didn't seem right.
So here we are.
Look Papa Pete, I'm doing what you taught me. I'm showing all my colors, keeping true to myself, and still trying to do all the things. I'm not letting anyone hold me back or keep me down and I most definitely will always live life to the fullest and encourage our boys to do the same. I will always dance, I will always be loud when I feel I need to be and I will always be Loretta....because Papa Pete said so.
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I dedicate this endeavor to him, to all he taught me and to anyone anywhere that doesn't feel that they quite fit. I vow to always welcome you, honor you and cheer for you. Thank you for sharing this space with me!
Thank you Loretta !❤